Parenting notes: new baby
The following notes are based on my experiences of having a new baby (albeit one that is now nearly five years old). I first put the list together for a friend who is currently expecting their first baby. Having it here means I can share and update it.
Snack supplies around the house are a good idea, but try to include some healthy stuff in the mix – fruit is good!
A nappy bag (for carrying around stuff to change nappies) is a grand idea.
Nappy bin: here’s an Amazon one that’s worked for us. You whack the little semi-circle on the top and it opens; then whack anywhere else on the lid to close it.
We went to NHS antenatal classes, and they were good
IKEA is the best source of: baby bath; high chair; potties (get more than one); and seats to put on top of the regular toilet seat.
Muslins: many, distributed about the place.
Media: podcasts and streaming are great for long nights and long walks.
Nursery places: start looking early. We visited a couple when ours was less than a month old, with a view to him starting 12 months later. Various people we know struggled to get their kid into the same nursery on the days they wanted, so had to split between multiple childcare providers. Nurseries are cutting back, even closing, and it’s a very difficult environment for them to operate in.
HMRC: register for “Tax Free Childcare” (it’s not the same as Child Benefit).
Child Benefit: register and claim for this… even if you claim at £0.00 and don’t actually get the money. If the mother earns a lot, it gets clawed back. Thing is, if you claim you get National Insurance contributions. I haven’t explained this very well.
When the baby is new, take it easy and don’t feel you have to have visitors. If people do visit, you can set a time limit, or one of you can duck out… being a shiny wonderful new parent is not necessary, nor expected.
Sort out the Baby Box (Scotland), and get a sense in advance of what it’ll have inside it. We still have ours (storing old baby bedding), and we made lots of use of it.
Have different places to put the baby down: e.g. wicker basket in the bedroom for sleeps; baby box in the living room (for more sleeps). We had two trestle-type stands for the wicker basket, in different rooms: that way we could relocate the baby + basket without having to bring the trestle as well to keep the basket off the floor. (Don’t carry the baby in the basket. Do it properly.)
We decided to buy a change table: a simple three shelf table, with a mattress on the top level. It was worth it, to be able to change the baby without kneeling down every time. We only stopped using it when the baby got too wriggly.
Nappies: there are many brands out there. We only ever used disposable ones, and we got through a lot of them. Our favourite brand tended to be Lupilo from Lidl. (I’m now a really big fan of Lidl’s bakery departments.)
Be prepared for a lot of free stuff, hand me downs, gifts.
Supermarket baby clothes are great value, and do a great job.
Tommy Tippee Microwave Steriliser got lots and lots of use.
Plan ahead for a car seat. This is the sort of thing that Black Friday can help with.
We used a second hand pram… and bought adaptors to make the car seat work with the pram.
Look out for pram add-ons: built-in gloves; cup holders.
Aveeno bath soaps and creams worked for us.
Aptamil formula milk was good for us – we went with that brand because that’s what they gave us in the hospital, and we stuck with it! We also decided to use the liquid stuff: we didn’t use powdered milk. This was more expensive, but we felt that this was a reasonable investment in time and peace of mind.
We have a draw in the kitchen dedicated to plastic for Jamie: cups, plates, bowls, cutlery, bottles, etc.
For the first 2-4 weeks, my partner and I slept in a sort of shift pattern. She went to bed early evening, and I stayed up with the baby through the evening. Then she took over from the early hours. If either of us got sleep when we were “on duty” that was great, but it didn’t always happen.
If you’re considering Shared Parental Leave… it took a bit of organising for us, which is partly because it was still really new, but it was a good move. Even if the parent taking the SPL can do “just” four weeks, near the end of the year of Maternity Leave, it would be well worth considering.
Try to find ways for each of you to get out and about, fresh air, a bit of a walk. It’s really important to have some space to clear your mind. But it’s also empowering for the person who’s (literally) holding the baby. Gaining confidence to do it alone, bond with the baby, and all that.
Get used to becoming preoccupied with the baby’s weight. They lose weight after birth: part of the transition to having to feed, I believe. This came as a surprise to me! It’s important to keep track of how much weight is lost, and then gained: what you’re looking for is how they compare to the WHO normal distribution weight charts in your Red Book. (I’m not sure when you get the Red Book, but it’s where information is kept on vaccinations, weight, length, etc.)
Try and work out what you might be able to get involved with to structure your days and weeks. This could include taking the baby to Bookbug in your local library (overseen by the Scottish Book Trust). Look out for baby massage sessions, “sensory” classes in local church halls, etc. All good ways to try new stuff. This can also be valuable for other carers, such as the other parent, who can carry on with the same activities when it’s their turn.
Bookbug is well worth finding out about. I suspect the experience will differ from place to place. In our library they did a really good job of making it fun, accessible, light hearted, etc. It was also where I attached myself to a group of mums: they had met during antenatal classes, I believe. They asked me to join them once, and I said no. Then they asked again the following week… and I figured that if I didn’t say yes, people would stop asking! I was really glad that I went along with them after that: little lunch gatherings, etc.
Baby screenings at cinemas can be hilarious: grown up films, for parents and their babies. I managed four, I think. The highlight was Avengers Assemble: really loud, lots of excitement, lots of fun.
Find a way to record and track what you get up to. I used the Day One app for this, on iPhone, iPad and Mac. Lots of photos, bits of text, location tracking, and other nice touches. Pretty straightforward to use, and it gives you a record of your experiences. I still add to mine. Most entries are based on a photograph: easy to take in the moment, then a good way to track back afterwards with a bit more information.
Album of the Day: I used Day One to keep track of “Album of the Day”. Whenever time allowed, I would play Jamie a full album to educate him on music from an early age. We started with Scottish female singer-songwriters, from KT Tunstall to Annie Lennox. We also had Crowded House week. There were many highlights. (David Bowie was a bit of a slog: I decided to go for a greatest hits… but the only one I could find was about 30 tracks long.)
Baby sleeping bags are fun. Here’s the John Lewis selection. This is perhaps something to inspect in person: there are lots of guidelines on how thick the bag should be, and what the baby should be wearing, and how old the baby should be, for a given temperature of bedroom.
Monitor: we’re still using this BT baby monitor (Amazon link). It’s audio only, but it’s worked really well. It seems video monitors are the norm now, or phone apps. Go with what you feel is right here.
Sources of online help:
Ready Steady Baby (NHS Scotland information from pregnancy to eight weeks)
Baby Centre (UK version)
RCPCH (UK Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health)
Specific online help for dads:
Mind: “Can partners get postnatal mental health problems?”
Having a new baby was really good fun. Nearly all the time. Some days will be harder than others, and a parent might be on their own coping as best they can. If you can mentally prioritise the baby, and everything else just fits in around them, you’re be all good.
Finally, from a dad perspective, I didn’t want to know the baby’s sex in advance. It would have made it more real than I felt it needed to be: picking a name, etc. I was quite happy to wait until the thing was actually a reality before I really started paying much attention.
I appreciate that the birth mother is more involved, from an earlier point, in various aspects of applied childcare and development.
